Why So Blu?

Jersey Shore: Season 3 Uncensored (DVD Review)

Ahh, the famed Jersey Shore. Easily one of the most popular reality TV shows of all time…and I had never watched an episode until this collection came across my desk. I’m well aware of its popularity and even know a few peeps who have an addiction to the show. So, how does this compare to past seasons? I can’t answer that. How does this season stand up in regard to pure entertainment factor? Keep on scrolling, kids…

 

 

 

Film 

If, until recently, you were like me and had never seen the show, let me give you a little background.  Jersey Shore follows 8 people around a house in which they all reside.  Then it’s off to the clubs at night.  Throw in a ton of hair gel, a few implants, a little alcohol for good measure and what do you get?  An infinitely unpalatable amount of classlessness.  That’s not Jersey Shore in a nutshell.  That’s Jersey Shore period.  The queen mother of them all in this show is 4’9″ Snooki (whose real name is Nicole).  Don’t be misled by her short stature.  This girl can pack a whole lot of trashy in that little frame.  Then there’s Deena, a friend of Snooki’s, who is new to the show replacing former cast member Angelina Pivarnick who, according to TMZ, left the show due to trust issues.  Deena originally tried out  for season 1 and lucky for us, is available for season 3.  I’m so happy I could just jump through a pane of glass.  The other ladies on the show include Jennifer “fake boobs” Farley and Sammi “Sweetheart.”  Long story short, Sammi doesn’t play well with the other girls.  It’s 3 against 1 and they all say the same thing; “I tried to be nice to her but she’s a bitch.”

The guys are easier to tolerate since they’re not as obnoxious, but still not without their flaws.  Pauly D uses enough hair supporting product that it can deflect bullets.  I get irritated just looking at that chia pet on top of his cranium.  Mike “The Situation” and Vinny are buddy-buddy, though their abilities on screen run about as shallow as everyone around them.  Lastly is Ronnie, the bulky beefcake who is the show’s best actor, cheating on his girlfriend in season 2 and then providing a noteworthy “Yeah, but I wasn’t proud of it” excuse to her in season 3.  I mean, I can just feel my IQ drop as I watch this show.  If you’ve seen season 1, you’ve seen all the other seasons.  Heck, if you watched “an” episode, then you’ve seen every season.  There’s drama galore so I guess I can understand the draw to it.  People enjoy watching others make a scene so chalk up the show’s expansive audience to this reasoning.  Conflict draws crowds.  So does sex and you’ll find castmates scoring intermittently throughout the season.  Yay.  There is over 570 minutes of footage here and if you’re already a Jersey Shore fan, I don’t need to sell you on season 3.  If you’re not, don’t waste viewing time, or any kind of time for that matter, on this material.  Never in all my reviews have I had as difficult a time thinking of something to write about as I did with this.  It’s “crap” with a capital ‘C’ and a rolled ‘r’.

Video 

Considering this is a DVD and of course the footage is shown in standard definition, the picture isn’t great.  There really  isn’t a whole lot to say here.  It’s somewhat grainy and undetailed and reminds me of uninspiring visuals before the days of Blu-ray.

Audio 

Here we have a traditional stereo soundtrack that is near the quality of its video counterpart.  The dialogue is intelligble (minus the made-up lingo some of the castmates litter their sentences with) but the audio overall lacks enough punch to draw viewers in toward a more enveloping entertainment experience.

Special Features 

Hey look, a bright spot in this heap of ****.  This is a four-disc set and each disc contains a small array of special features.  When added together, it’s an impressive little library of extras.  These extras fall into the following categories:

• Reunion Special
• After Hour Specials
• Behind-the-Scenes Photo Shoot
• Extended Scenes
• Hook Ups
• Confessionals

Final Thoughts 

It’s a safe bet you already know my thoughts on this show by now if you’ve read my article from the beginning.  Never have I wrestled with a review as difficult as this.  Trying to come up with material to fill out the above categories was a task in and of itself.  Then it all took my back to my days in junior high when an English teacher would assign a word limit on a report.  I always thought if I could get the same message across in less words, what good does BS’ing my way through the rest of the report do just to reach 1,000 words or whatever?  So, I applied that same thinking here.  Why spin my wheels talking about garbage when I can get the point across in a few less breaths?  Done and done.  I shall never revisit the nonsense called Jersey Shore again.

 

 

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