Why So Blu?

Vampires Suck (Blu-Ray Review)

The creators of Meet the Spartans and Disaster Movie bring you a spoof of the Twilight Saga.  In order to appreciate most of the jokes, you should have already seen the Twilight movies.  I think people like myself are the perfect audience for this spoof. I’ve seen the Twilight movies, enjoyed them, and remember enough of the details to get the jokes.   I don’t read the books, have a team Jacob T shirt, and am not offended by laughs had at the expense of the Twilight movies and characters.  Off hand, I can think of a few Twilight fans that would not be amused, but many more that would.

Film 

Becca (spoofing Bella) is played by Jenn Proske. Proske does a great job of exaggerating all of Bella’s annoying mannerisms like her out of breath speaking patterns and near constant hair stroking.  Becca is new to the town of Sporks, where she has moved to live with her dad, played by Diedrich Bader.  Arriving for her first day at her new school, Becca finds herself a parking space in the “sad misunderstood new student with crappy old truck parking only” section.  When introducing herself, Becca says she is the “humorless type, kind of a sourpuss really, full of insecurities with no great personality, yet every hot guy finds me irresistible.”  Thinking about the Twilight movies I’d say that’s accurate.

Edward Sullen is described as the “really pale dude with the big hair and constipated look”, and later as “Euro-trash heroin chic.”  Thinking of the Twilight Saga and his counterpart Edward Cullen, I have to agree slightly.  Overall I’d say this is an average movie, with a few really funny moments.  It’s worth watching for the vampire squirrel and baby juggling.  Come to think of it, it isn’t every day you see a were-chihuahua either.  Vampires Suck does hit on all the main points from the Twilight franchise and I definitely recommend viewing those for a proper understanding of all the jokes (and to avoid spoilers).

The Blu Ray includes both the theatrical and unrated versions.  Unlike other unrated movies I’ve watched, this one is not full of nudity left out of the theatrical version.  I was surprised how tame it was.  The theatrical version is rated PG-13 and I would give the “unrated” version a PG-16 rating (yes I know I just created a new rating system but an R-rating would be unnecessary).

Video 

Picture quality is good but nothing about this 1080p transfer tests the limits.  The darker scenes look as good as those in perfect light. Video quality is more than acceptable but not at all spectacular.  The Blu Ray contains a digital copy, but is not a Blu Ray + DVD combo pack.

Audio 

Vampires Suck offers the choices of English 5.1 DTS HD audio, and 5.1 Dolby Digital in French.  Subtitle choices include English for the Deaf and Hard of Hearing, or Spanish.  So if you are French, you get to hear the movie, if you’re Spanish – you have to read it.  Surround sound is certainly not used to its full potential, but what do you expect from a spoof.

Special Features 

While the movie rated adequate, the special features are mediocre at best. I expected to see more about the adult baby-carrier and exactly how you go about making/finding one of those.

• Deleted Scenes – This is a mix of deleted and extended scenes. Most of what you’ll see here was rightfully left on the cutting room floor.
• Gag Reel – Its always funny to see actors mess up their lines and fall down but as gag reel’s go this is one of my least favorite.
• Theatrical Trailer – I don’t understand people that want to watch a trailer for a movie they just finished, but its there for your enjoyment.
• Live Extras are available for those that enjoy the BD Live experience.

Final Thoughts

I am overjoyed to announce that Vampires Suck is not a complete waste of time.  Vampires Suck doesn’t suck nearly as much as I anticipated it would.   My expectations were that this was going to be 82 minutes of my life I would want back.   I enjoyed the film, and feel it was a well done spoof.  I fully admit, spoofs are not my thing.  The goofy humor usually doesn’t work for me – but this had a few chuckles.  If you are waiting on pins and needles to find out what happens to Bella and Edward in the next Twilight movie, this may not be for you.  If you like spoofs, and welcome some well deserved shots at Twilight I think you will enjoy this.

Order yours today!