Why So Blu?

Brian Freezes in Kate Beckinsale’s Whiteout

A “whiteout” is defined as a condition of heavily falling or blowing snow in which visibility is very poor.  The same condition must also apply, cinematically speaking, in reference to Kate Beckinsale’s newest thriller Whiteout.  When a movie’s release date has been delayed for over two years that is usually a sign of something bad, or even worse, let’s use a simple synonym such as frightful.  After walking out of the theater tonight I kept telling myself over and over “I should have known better.”  What was my reasoning for going?  It’s probably the same for most of the fanboys out there reading this.  Yep, it was for Kate Beckinsale, affectionately known as Selene.  Oh Kate, why have you forsaken me?

I can’t remember where I read this but I remember reading not so long ago that September is the month where most movie studios just throw out their garbage to strategically prepare for showcasing their critically acclaimed heavy hitters during the upcoming Oscar nomination season.  If this is truly the case, then no one could fault Warner Brothers for doing so with Whiteout.  It just brings a tear to my eye when I shudder and think about good films like Michael Dougherty’s Trick ‘r Treat, which is coming straight to home video in October, and movies like Whiteout which will at least see a two week theatrical run, at most.  Where’s the fairness in that?

Just to give you a little quick history lesson, the idea for a Whiteout feature film has been chilling in the fridge way back since 1999 when Columbia Pictures originally acquired rights to the comic book of the same name, which was produced in 1998.  Usher in the year 2006 and the ownership of the movie’s rights switched hands for the third time with Dark Castle Entertainment now in control of the comic book property.  With Warner Brothers signed on to distribute, the actual filming of the movie concluded just in time for a brief teaser at 2007’s Comic-Con.  So what actually happened to cause the near finished product back in 2007 to be delayed for so long?  Outsiders to the production may truly never know the real reasons why, but after giving this one a watch tonight speculation becomes painfully obvious.

The story of Whiteout takes place in Antarctica where we are introduce to U.S Marshall Carrie Stetko (Katie Beckinsale) and through a series of career related flashbacks we learn why she is stationed in an environment that God never intended for humans to co-exist in.  Wasting no time, Carrie and team are called out of their warm scientific habitat to investigate what will be deemed as a murder in the middle of nowhere on the frozen continent.  While searching for clues and answers to questions that Carrie just can’t seem to let go of she meets up with U.N. Operative Robert Pryce (Gabriel Macht) and together they discover something far more serious than the murder case, or so they think.  As the Antarctic winter begins Carrie and the small team of four find themselves left behind as the scientific base is evacuated and the true murderer and cover-up are exposed.

The problem with Whiteout resides in the film’s execution.  The 96-minute runtime feels like a two and a half hour scenic train ride that gets interesting for a few intense moments and then natural dull factor settles back in.  I hate to come across like a male chauvinistic pig, but perhaps the best part of the film was the beginning shower scene involving Kate Beckinsale, even though we really don’t see anything.  Everything else went frigid from there.  I guess I should have expected that from a movie that showcases Kate Beckinsale throughout in a winter parka, and not a form fitting black leather outfit.  Whiteout never left me sitting at the edge of my seat wondering what was going to happen next or how it was going to transpire.  Instead I was pretty much squirming in my seat out of discomfort over the much predictable and dragging plot.  I’ll award the movie a C, and it will be sometime, if ever, before I muster up enough warmth to snuggle up to the frozen temperatures of Whiteout, despite Kate’s thermal presence in the movie.  It saddens me to say so as the tear freezes up on my cheek.  Thanks for reading!