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Hold Onto Your Potatoes For The Ride That Is: Getaway (Movie Review)

For someone looking to grow some hair on his (or her) chest, Getaway is a real winner.  Emanating testosterone through the entirety, the movie delivers all style and absolutely no substance.  Plot and character development stay safely buckled up in the backseat, rarely making an appearance.  If you make it through the first 20 minutes, you’ve seen the whole thing.  

Getaway has a very straightforward plot.  Retired racecar driver, Brent Magna (Ethan Hawke) navigates the streets of Sofia Bulgaria, under the command of an undisclosed super villain comparable to Inspector Gadget’s, Dr. Claw (limbs, mouth, and nostril appearance by Jon Voight).  Dr. Claw has kidnapped Magna’s wife, and the only guarantee of her safe return is for him to follow every ludicrous demand, first of which is to steal a loaded Shelby Super Snake.  As Magna plows through the city in a wake of collateral damage, killing what I can only assume to be hundreds of people, he is able to avoid the entire and clearly incompetent, Bulgarian police force.  While Magna idles for another task, he grossly underestimates the importance of a door lock, and the street savvy, flat brim sporting, “Kid” (Selena Gomez) jumps into Magna’s front seat.  She emulates the authority of Hans the Mole Man even while wielding a handgun and demands her stolen car back.  Magna dismisses such immaturity with a half nelson retaliation.  Under strict verbal orders, The Kid is to become copilot while Magna continues on his explosive journey of video game like tasks to rescue the damsel in distress.

I think Ethan Hawke is a decent actor, so I’ll just assume he didn’t read Getaway‘s script prior to accepting the role.  Hawke’s favorite car is the 1968 Shelby Mustang.  He was requested to take racecar-driving lessons to prepare for this role.  Finally, Hawke was offered to perform some of his own driving stunts throughout the film.  Sounds like a pretty great time.  With the automotive cirque de soleil always stealing the spot light, Hawke doesn’t have much time to project his acting talent.  When dialog does sneak through, it’s a breath of fresh air.

Now let’s talk about “The Kid,” Selena Gomez.  I’m not opposed to Disney stars growing up and getting out of the Mickey’s Playhouse.  Shia Lebeouf, Zac Efron and Justin Timberlake all have matured into respectable entertainers.  But let’s really analyze Disney on a scientific level.  Theory: A female actress with roots originating in the Disney franchise will undoubtedly go ape and will steadily ripen to bat *&$! crazy soon thereafter.  Brittney Spears, Lyndsay Lohan and Miley Cyrus all foreshadow the grim fate of young Selena Gomez.  The first whiff of skank came just prior to Getaway in last year’s, Spring Breakers.  The foul mouth, yet fully clothed, Kid of Getaway just barely squeaks by as resume boosting material.  Gomez needs to take on a roll that truly challenges her acting craft if she wants to break the pattern of shame.

To be fair, the script didn’t allow for Gomez to really spread her acting wings.  Repetitive, snarky, immature comments were exaggerated even for a baseline 20-year-old.  Her character development never comes full circle either.  Presented as a modern day MacGyver, her skills are incredulous and laughable.  The Kid effortlessly hacks into police headquarters per her iPad (this iPad is capable of many amazing tasks throughout the film); she arrogantly suggests she will rebuild the ‘Stang post car chase; and anticipates evil villain schemes at every turn.

Director Courtney Salomon really tries for a bold come back after a 7-year hiatus, (An American Haunting being his last effort), but putting all his eggs into the action basket did not prove successful.  The lack of character and plot development stood out drastically against the over compensated chase scenes and explosions.  Dozens of cameras were used to grab every angle possible, but the excessive amount of cut edits is tiring and visually confusing.

This movie would be more appropriately entitled “The Car-pocalypse” with 90-straight minutes of vehicular massacre.  Tension and suspense are best reached through anticipation of the unknown and unfortunately, Getaway never allows for the audience to guess what’s next.  Without the slightest diversion, the film’s entirety is reminiscent of the opening scene in Indiana Jones: Temple of Doom when Short Round blows through every Asian fruit cart and trinket tent in sight.  If they were shooting for a brutally honest title: nailed it.  Shortly into the film all you want to do is getaway.  Better yet, just stay away.