The Wicker Tree (Blu-ray Review)
Two minutes in The Wicker Tree, and already I’d rather have the bees. Labeled as a sequel to the 1973 cult classic The Wicker Man (while clearly being a sequel to the god-awful 2006 remake with Nicolas Cage), The Wicker Tree does no good, entertainment-wise. Not only is The Wicker Tree horribly written – it takes about fifteen million years to get into motion – and when it does, you’ll already be dozing off. While those are some pretty harsh reasons, my biggest gripe with the film was our two leads, Brittania Nicol and Henry Harrett, who do absolutely nothing to capture the audience’s attention. The Wicker Tree is massively un-entertaining that rightfully deserves to be shelved in the $2.99 section of Best Buy and never visited again. This is a rather pointless retread of the first. Does the film have a worthwhile Blu-ray presentation? Read on to find out.
Film 
When a young and obnoxious Texas couple (Brittania Nicol and Henry Garrett) go to the Scottish Lowlands to annoy the life out of people by spreading religious gospel throughout a relatively rural community, they find something unexpected and terrifying. What they find is a nightmare of sexual needs and devilish terror within this otherwise calm and relaxing town. This couple’s admittedly askew approach to a place they know nothing about opens a world of insane religious cuckoos, dangerous men wearing ridiculous cowboy hats, and the required amount of nudity that you would expect from a wholly unnecessary straight-to-dvd film.
Listen – I’m a fan of campy, offbeat horror movies. Let me rephrase that – I’m a fan of campy, offbeat horror movies done in a sense that is not entirely repulsive and is generally devoid of flaws. The Wicker Tree fails in just about every category here. I recently saw a [nearly perfect] horror film titled The Cabin in the Woods – which was pretty much the best horror film of the decade. Can you guess my dismay after having to sit through this so-called “horror film” four days after I viewed Woods? Yeah, I was in a pretty concerning situation.
In a review from EmpireOnline.com, reviewer David Wise complimented The Wicker Tree in one of the funniest ways I could imagine: “You’ll see faces, performances, and scenes you’ll never see in any other movie.” Can you guess the reason that you’ll never see this kind of stuff again? Perhaps it is because most filmmakers have some sort of weird ritual called “rehearsal.” Even the [unnecessarily short] cameo from Christopher Lee was dull. Hell, Lee was the only thing building up to the very little anticipation I had for The Wicker Tree. Furthermore, 75% of the characters in this movie sound like the voice actors in Disney Pixar’s Brave.
Once the film’s “shocking” finale arrives, the viewer is already rolling their eyes in disappointment, mainly because this film has the longest build up since Peter Jackson’s King Kong reboot. In the long run – if you’re having a bad day, bored, or looking for a good movie to watch, then go right ahead and check out The Cabin in the Woods. If you want to torture yourself with an incredibly repulsive film, then go right ahead and check out The Wicker Man. Although I usually have a whole lot to say – The Wicker Tree left me cold and in the dust. What I will do is share some #twitter (@CreedsDelight) thoughts I had during the film:
– Two minutes in THE WICKER TREE, and already I’d rather have the bees.
– WHY THE $&@# IS THERE SO MUCH SINGING?!?! #TheWickerTree
– Oh god. Just end already. #TheWickerTree
– Please, just end already. I don’t care what happens next. #TheWickerTree
– HOW DID IT BURN?! better be in this film. Please. #TheWickerTree
– #TheWickerTree is one of the most horrible film experiences I’ve had. Just awful.
Video
While the film itself is unnecessary, the Blu-ray presentation is quite superb. The Wicker Tree is presented in a 1080p widescreen ratio of 2.35:1. Flesh tones are maxed out and look rich and gorgeous, and the burning tree sequence has a nice feel to it, with some nice color and saturation with all the various costumes being worn by the townspeople. The textures are well prepared and serve the film well. Nothing lackluster here!
Audio
Another decent addition to the overall presentation – The Wicker Tree is presented in Dolby TrueHD 5.1. The sound effects were iffy at times and some of the sound mixing doesn’t correspond with the speakers. Sound placement perhaps? I thought the contributing factor was the superlative soundtrack that sets a fine tone to the film. Not a great audio presentation, but certainly not a bad one, but certainly above average.
Extras
The limited number of features on The Wicker Tree are lifeless and uninteresting.
– The Making of The Wicker Tree
– Deleted Scenes
– Theatrical Trailer
Summary
The Wicker Tree is by no means a necessity for your Blu-ray collection. It’s dull, lifeless, and unnecessary. Again, for a good horror film, check out The Cabin in the Woods. Life is too short.
Order The Wicker Tree on Blu-ray!
The above shot of the donkey head looks interesting, no?
No