David Says Sorority Row is Hot and Not

Sorority RowSorority Row is rated R for strong bloody violence, language, some sexuality/nudity and partying. So automatically I know that there is something I am going to like and that’s enough for me to seat through another cheap teen horror remake.  Just like every other guy, I enjoy sex and violence at the movies, but this movie was so bad even that couldn’t save it for me.

Horror movies have always been an age-old excuse to take your date so you can see some gratuitous nudity, without looking like a pervert, and it also saves us men the embarrassment of going to the video store or having to resort to watching it on the internet.  What’s wrong with watching a little skin now and then?  ”It’s not what it looks like mom and dad!”  “I swear!”  Yes, I have been there before.

Sorority Row is about a group of sorority sisters who try to cover up the death of their house-sister after a prank goes fatally wrong, only to be eventually stalked by a serial killer. This is a remake of the 1983 movie, which I haven’t seen, but I bet it’s better than this because horror remakes usually aren’t as good as the original ones. The film contains some so-so actors, with Bruce Willis’ daughter Rumer Willis and Carrie Fisher (aka Princess Leia) being the most notable ones.  They do a satisfactory job in their roles, but nothing out of the ordinary considering this is a horror movie. 

In the movie, the sorority girls pull a prank on a cheating boyfriend and when it goes terribly wrong their house sister dies. Wow! Talk about hardcore!  A bad prank goes wrong and someone dies. If that happened all the time, then I would have accidentally killed hundreds of people by now.  So after all this happens the movie fast-forwards to eight months later when the girls are graduating and that’s when the killer shows up and all the gory madness begins.  Although there isn’t a surprise twist, the plot is pretty simple to follow and you already know who the killer is before it is even revealed the movie has its moments of entertainment, but not enough to recommend it.  I do give props to the beautiful girls in this movie, especially Jamie Chung, who plays Claire.  She is pretty hot.  I wish I had gone to that sorority.  I think you already know why (as I keep the audience guessing).

Although not a very good movie, I might have said to see it if Bruce Willis would have came out as Jon McClain from Die Hard, and destroyed everybody in his path to rescue his daughter from a psycho killer. That would have been way more interesting to see, but unfortunately he does not come out so I have to say skip it and wait for Jennifer’s Body, which looks very similar, but it has to be better than this simply because it has an Oscar wining screenwriter Diablo Cody and hottie Megan Fox.  The brilliant casting of Megan Fox is enough to get you in the movie theater.  Well, if you don’t believe me than check this one out. Maybe you will like it.  Maybe you won’t.  But either way, you definitely get to see some female nude scenes.  That should be worth the price of admission, no?     


Sorority Row Theatrical Poster 



2 Responses to “David Says Sorority Row is Hot and Not”

  1. david

    best review ever this guy is good.

  2. Igor

    Yeah…it’s too bad this guy gave up writing