Why So Blu?

Frankenstein’s Army (Blu-ray Review)

While I am a horror nut, I don’t watch a whole lot of found footage films.  That doesn’t mean I don’t like them.  And I’m not against it because I’m some sort of hipster against the current fad sweeping the horror airwaves.  Many people claim it to be a genre, but it’s hardly one.  Its moreso a tool with which you use to tell your story.  The biggest problem with found footage is many have mistaken this as a way to make your movie on the cheap instead of a device to make your storytelling more effective.  Frankenstein’s Army is baffling as I have no idea why it was found footage.  It looked like they had plenty of money, a solid hook for a story and talent in the effects department to pull off a regular old horror film.  The decision to use this method of storytelling actually does much harm to what could have been something rather special.  It feels entirely unnecessary and had me questioning why throughout the film and its “Making Of”.

Film

The film we are watching is footage shot by Russian soldier Dimitri during his Russian troupe’s push into eastern Germany.  They stumble across what appears to be an abandoned building but is far from that.  As a last ditch desperate attempt, a scientist named Viktor (yuck yuck yuck get it?) has been put in motion by Hitler to use the journal of Dr. Victor Frankenstein to create an army of superbeings using the fallen soldiers of war.  Dimitri and his fellow comrades are taken by surprise and must either stop or escape the house before they are all taken out and nothing can be done to stop Viktor and Hitler’s evil agenda.

First and foremost, the found footage aspect of this movie hampers its enjoyment immensely.  I’m not being a hater here.  This film pulls every trope that can annoy you in a found footage movie and uses all of them.  There’s the “why are you filming?”, “what kind of camera is that?” dialogue and the convenient important conversations captured.  There’s the “turn that thing off” portions and the facepalming “Mom and Dad, if I don’t make it out alive and someone finds this, I love you” scene.  There’s plenty of instances of perfect shots, angles and “how did he get there” parts.  And most annoyingly, a billion moments of “PUT THE CAMERA DOWN!” instances.  Why is he filming some of this?  And then the convenient non-moments filmed that become moments showing up aplenty.  It’s incredibly annoying.

What else is funny?  This thing is a WWII found footage movie-Presented in 16×9!  Even if this at the latter part of the war, widescreen didn’t really land until the 1950s.  This just adds to the feeling like no one gave a shit about trying to make it look like an accurate film reel from the time.  This thing even has opening credits.  When is the last time you saw that in a found footage movie?  And for the accurate look of the WWII era film stock, they just slap some cheap color changing mechanism on it and call it a day.  And part of that not giving a crap really harms other aspects of it that shouldn’t be.  For one, the acting is pretty poor in it, and the cast themselves don’t look the part at all.  Sam Worthington has a better time holding up accents than these guys.  This is honestly akin to watching some high school sophomores making a WWII movie in their back yard (I know from experience as I’ve done that myself).

Except, these high school sophomores have some friends who make fantastic creatures and really good gore effects.  This is the best thing going for the movie and they almost refuse to flaunt it.  Every monster shows up and is seen for a few seconds with a shaky camera and then gone or reduced to being seen from far away or super close up.  This is where the found footage gimmick does its most damage.  This film has a goofy, but potentially really cool premise.  A Nazi haunted house where a scientist is going all sorts of Victor Frankenstein on dead soldiers.  That sounds awesome.  Show us the monsters!  Instead we hear plenty of carnage but are mostly focused on dark tunnels and secluded rooms.  It’s not like they’re hiding cheap effects either, from seeing the behind the scenes stuff and such they are legitimately awesome creations.  Why did this score a 1 from me?  The effects guys.  That’s why.

Karel Roden, I hope you got a really nice pool for your backyard for this one (He only appears for maybe 15 minute total).  One simple fix of this movie, drop the found footage, and it may have turned out to be a fun B-movie experience.  Embracing the monsters would have made for something really cool, instead of just basically teasing like 10 of them.  This film was a really really long 84 minutes.  At one point I was sure it was winding down and I still had 40+ left.  I don’t know how they got so many positive pull quotes on the box for this, I’m truly baffled.  This film was a pretty massive disappointment.  I doubt it’s the nail in the coffin to found footage, but it just goes to show not everybody can pull that device off.

Video

Frankenstein’s Army comes attacking in 1080p with a MPEG-4 AVC encoding.  If this picture didn’t have some color timing alterations in post to make it look like it was shot in the past, it’d be almost like looking through a window.  The cast, the monsters, structures, everything is razor friggin’ sharp.  Detail is very high and you can definitely see every gushy bit of blood for the two seconds a lot of it actually shows.  The colors are boldly produced and the red is REALLY red.  Any flub in the video quality comes intentional.  This picture is vibrant and uses every pixel to the fullest degree.  At least the displayed impressively while it was stinking.

Audio

This audio track is kicking.  It puts you right in place with the action.  The 5.1 DTS-HD MA track is loud and proud.  The booming explosion, gun fire and destruction shake you in your seat and make you cover your face in fear of debris.  All the speakers get a good run for your money.  There are plenty of loud and present sounds coming from your rear speakers.  The mix also does a great deal of left to right and displaying distance in a grand fashion.  The effects are crystal clear and clean as a whistle.  The dialogue is crisp as well, the distortions and muffled issues during the film are as intended as the film tries to display camera damage.  This is an awesome track, shamefully wasted on this movie.  Also provided is a 2.0 PCM Lossless track, which is fine, but with how incredible the 5.1 is, and if you have a home theater system, why bother?

Extras

All the extras are displayed in 1080p MPEG-4 AVC with Dolby Digital 2.0 sound.

Making Of (32:13) – This follows some onset production and post-production of the film.  The director acts like he is inventing the wheel using found footage as a device to frame his story.  He also claims Star Wars as part of his inspiration for it.  There are some interesting bits with the effects and creature making guys but not enough.

Creature Spots – These feature a brief brief brief clip of the monster listed from the movie.  If you’ve watched the movie, watching these is a giant waste of time.

• Burnt-Match Man (:16)

• Mosquito Man (:16)

• Propellerhead (:14)

• Teddy Bear Woman (:13)

• Razor Teeth (:16)

Trailer (1:58)

Summary

This Blu-ray of Frankenstein’s Army is a turd painted gold.  It’s got STELLAR video and audio quality.  Some of the best you’ll see.  It’s got a half hour “Making of” featurette.  The price tag is incredibly appealing for a new release (currently $10).  But at the end of the day, it’s still Frankenstein’s Army.   It’s a monster movie that wants to flaunt them on the box and tell you about them in the synopsis, but shies away from them in the finished product when it comes to seeing them in action.  The choice to go found footage on it kneecaps this big time as it proves highly unnecessary and has a director that chooses to follow every trope in the book instead of being inventive or fresh with the gimmick.  There’s nothing evening laughably bad about it either.  It’s just a tired, annoying grind from start to finish. I highly recommend you do what they didn’t do in this film; drop your camera and run from this monster.