Haters Going To Hate But Ted Deserves Equal Rights “2” (Movie Review)

Ted 2I have to admit, I wasn’t instantly the biggest fan of Ted upon its release.  Despite being a huge Family Guy fan, it ironically took some time for me to warm up to being a fan of a flick that deals with a talking teddy bear living in our real world.  Thanks in part to the chemistry between Mark Wahlberg, who’s hysterical in this role, and Seth MacFarlane, who infuses life into the fuzzy Ted, warming up was a relatively quick process.  For when Ted fell below $8 on Blu-ray a couple Black Fridays ago, I thus became a fan due to my economical choice to invest in the feature and give it a second chance at redemption.  Therefore, you don’t need to sign me up to go see Ted 2, I’m already there and onboard.  See how wishy washy I can be?  It’s terrible.

Ted 2

So I guess you could label Ted 2 a follow-up sequel if you really wanted to.  Like last time, Seth MacFarlane, in addition to voicing the title character, directs Ted 2 and even partly wrote it too.  However, this time out of the gate there’s no Mila Kunis, but instead we get love interest Amanda Seyfried for Wahlberg to dance around with.  She’s no eye sore either so to recap it’s one hottie out and another in.  Got it?  Good!  There’s also a bunch of other cameos (even the man being blamed for Deflate Gate) and returning stars for this one, but I’ going to steer free and clear of spoiler territory.

Ted 2 finds Ted marrying Tami-Lynn (Jessica Barth) his girlfriend from the first film.  They even bicker hilariously like a real married couple.  The real gist of this story though is the couple wants to have a baby together.  I know.  Stop the press!  How does a stuffed animal and a hotblooded female actually copulate?  I’ll leave that to your imagination, but this is also where John’s (Wahlberg’s character) is a use for Ted as the stud.  Ted wants his sperm!  However, there’s a money wrench thrown in to up the ante or stakes of the situation.  In order to have custody of said child, Ted must prove to a court of law that he is a human.  That’s going to be a huge problem.  This is also where Amanda Seyfried comes into the picture.  You still with me or did I lose you yet?  Hopefully it’s the former because I’m already moving on.

Ted 2

First let’s start with the good stuff.  The Comic-Con loving geek in me hearted Ted 2 for all its pop culture glory.  You’re probably wondering what the hell I mean by that.  It’s okay.  I’ll explain what I mean.  So you remember me basically saying up above that Amanda is in and Mila is out?  I’m telling that it’s okay!  It works out better this way.  Amanda’s character, for lack of a better way of explaining it, was sheltered from the world of movies it seems.  Just about every movie reference, save for one (no spoilers), goes completely over her head and it’s hysterical the way a dog scathes against the ground because a piece of hair won’t let the last nugget of fecal matter vacate its rectum.  You like that comparison, don’t you?  Yeah you do.  You’re so dirty.  And that brings me to my next point.

Ted 2 is rude, vulgar and crude just like any good rated-R comedy film should.  It’s makes no excuses and is always very self aware.  So basically if you liked the first Ted film, I can’t think of any possible reason why you wouldn’t dig this one.  It has something for everyone from the caucasian race being referred to as white n-words to that Samuel L. Jackson joke that was still funny despite being played to death in the film’s trailer.  You really have to love pop culture and the associated works of art to appreciate Ted 2.  I’m just kidding.  You also can simply have a wicked, sick sense of humor.  That will do just fine.  Haha.

Ted 2

Next up let’s talk chemistry.  The thing that made the first Ted film so special was that its a story about the undying love between a young boy and his teddy bear.  Well they obviously grow up, the bear comes to life, they do endless amounts of drugs and I guess you can say life happens, but underneath the surface it’s really a mythical tale of undying friendship and brotherly love.  Ted 2 is much of the same.  Nothing changes there.  Also, like in the first Ted, it’s the chemistry between Wahlberg and this talking bear that’s the real magic of the franchise and I’m pleased to report, it’s much of the same here also.  Having Amanda, Wahlberg’s love interest so to speak in this film, just sweetens the pot (no pun intended).  The aloof goofiness of her innocent although pot smoking character is a welcome invitation for never ending gullible new jokes.  Believe me when I say ladies and gentlemen that the laughs are plentiful to be had here.  There are many laugh out loud (LOL for you texters) moments to be had here.  The audience I saw this with was in stitches throughout.

So yeah, thick skin and a sick sense of humor are two traits much needed to appreciate Ted 2, not to mention being street savvy and not wet behind the ears when it comes to appreciating pop culture.  As I also mentioned up above, there are plenty of cameos and stars abound for you to take in and relish too.  And believe me, there are some funny, funny moments with these said stars (did someone say Flash?).  I gotta admit, I was half expecting Samuel Jackson to really show up, but alas he did not.  Or did he?  I got you wanting to see it now don’t I?  Just remember parents, this is not one for the kiddies or people with squeaky shoes, which was the case next to us in the audience…non-stop throughout.  At times I did not know who was funnier, Ted or his shoes.  I digress.

Ted 2

Now with the good usually comes the bad and Ted 2 is no exception to the rule.  I can completely understand why some people/critics may be complacent with this latest entry, citing nothing new or even saying it was horrible.  How dare you?  Are you not the same fun, Comic-Con loving breed of geek that I am?  Sure it’s nothing but more of the same from what we saw in the first Ted adventure (even the villains look the same).  However, it’s about continuing the laughs and sustaining that high (again not a drug reference).  Ted 2 is not out to say to the word my dookie doesn’t stink.  It absolutely does.  It’s cliche.  It’s highly predictable if you’ve seen the first one.  It’s even a little boring at times like the Family Guy like intro the film has (I have to admit that made me initially hesitant about the quality of what I was about to see).  You see Ted 2 for all these reasons and more isn’t a perfect film, far from it.

My film score below is probably a little too high (again definitely not a drug reference at all).  But you want to know what?  For two hours of my life I forgot about all the stress I have (for those of us who work real jobs and not fun ones like some of you) and I had a blast with Ted 2.  I laughed hard.  Heck, my girlfriend even cried.  I even forgot this was a story about a talking teddy bear.  To me it felt like a tale of two friends who would do anything for each other.  I’ll take that any day over a film like Tomorrowland or Jupiter Ascending, which are about as empty as that big space of air in a potato chip bag.  If you have a heart and you know what it’s like to be a best friend to someone (without all the drugs of course), then Ted 2 is emotionally right choice for you this weekend, my friends.  Thunder Buddies for life!  Don’t give Ted 2 a pass.  He deserves equal rights just like you and me.  Go out and support Ted’s rights!  Legalize Ted!  Fight for him!

Ted 2 Movie Poster


Owner/Writer/Reviewer/Editor, Dreamer, Producer, Agent of Love, Film Lover, Writer of Screenplays and a Devoted Apostle to all things Ford Mustangs (the real ones with V8's!). Some of my favorite films include FIGHT CLUB, MOULIN ROUGE, THE DARK KNIGHT, STAR WARS alongside television shows such as SEINFELD, 24, SANFORD & SON and even the often loathed in the geek community BIG BANG THEORY. Outside of my three lives I live I also enjoy spending time with my girlfriend and our three girls (of the furry kind).

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