Gregg’s Top 5 Worst Films of 2013

Before we get to the Why So Blu staff picks for favorite films of 2013 next month, I thought now would be a good time to write that negative-Nancy article on the other side of the coin. Okay, so I know we’re not even at Thanksgiving yet, but I figure there isn’t going to be a major dud in the next 40 days to make this list.  This year had no shortage of disappointment at the cinema. There were films that let me down, like Iron Man 3 (also known as Normal Man 1), films that really stunk and almost made this list, like White House Down, and films that were just flat out rotten eggs, like…

The first half of most years doesn’t usually churn out the best films and 2013 was no exception.  Since starting to write for Why So Blu, I never found a more difficult year to assemble a Top 10 list of best films.  Usually I find myself rearranging rankings by this time as I try to figure which movies are jockeying for position to make that list.  It’s pretty cut and dry this time around.  The following five busts were a lot easier to come up with than I would have liked.  Be warned, there are spoilers galore.


5. The World’s End – Simon Pegg and Nick Frost team up again in this apocalyptic comedy.  Let me rephrase that.  This wasn’t a comedy.  It was an attempt at comedy.  I loved these guys in Shaun of the DeadHot Fuzz was terrible.  The World’s End falls somewhere in between but a LOT closer to Hot Fuzz.  What went wrong with this movie?  Where do I begin??  First, it wasn’t funny.  It mustered a meager smirk out of me at one point, but that was it.  Second, to take the story of a man unable to escape the glory of his teenage years and enjoyment of intoxication, and then try and make that humorous, was a tragedy in itself.  Not saying that can’t be done, but here it failed at the attempt.  It was almost sad to see Pegg’s character carry on like he did.  The robot invasion used as a backdrop grew tiresome in a hurry too.  Need a cure for insomnia?  Here it is.  I dozed off more than once.




4. Bullet to the Head – Some sources bill this as a 2012 release, however, it didn’t debut in my area until January of this year.  On the list it goes.  I love Stallone but this film was one of his works I’d rather forget.  Here’s what it’s about;  Stallone’s character, James Bonomo, is an angry hitman.  He has a really hot daughter and forms an alliance with a really annoying cop played by Sung Kang (Fast Five).  People get shot.  Sly yells.  Jason Mamoa is the villain.  Bang, bang.  My wallet’s dead.  Can I have my $10 back?  Still, the movie was aptly named in the sense that its title is what you’ll desire most after leaving the theater.






3.  The Lone Ranger – It’s no secret that Disney lost trainloads of money on this movie.  Stars Johnny Depp and Armie Hammer blamed its box office demise on American journalists that panned the film even before it was released.  I’m sorry guys.  I dig your work in other films, I really do, but this movie flopped not because of the media’s opinion, but because it really was a BAD movie.  Its saving graces were a solid performance by William Fichtner and the unmistakable awesomeness of the William Tell Overture.  Those, however, were not enough to detract from its many negatives.  Tonto is wax statue look-alike who educates a little kid at a carnival and the Lone Ranger is a bumbling fool.  They could’ve renamed it ‘Jester of the West’ and that would’ve been far more appropriate.  I remember The Lone Ranger reruns as a kid with a very noble and very capable lawman who always did right.  Just make the movie serious.  Sadly, it was anything but that.  In the end, it was Pirates of the Caribbean with cowboys, nothing more.


2. Machete Kills – Before everyone goes nuts over this being here, let me head you off at the pass.  Yes I know it’s meant to be very campy and over the top.  The first Machete film was like that and I enjoyed that movie.  I think Robert Rodriguez should have stopped there and not made this a franchise.  Regardless of what star power tried to boost this movie’s credibility, it was downright awful and didn’t have the charm of the first film.  The only reason this doesn’t get top billing on this list is because it’s meant to be bad.  But as the old saying goes, at what price victory?  In other words, we have a film made to be bad, but how long do I need to suspend my expectations for an entertaining movie before I realize what I’m watching is complete crap?





1. The Hangover Part III – The original Hangover film is one of my all-time favorite comedies.  The second film in the trilogy, ehhh, not so much.  It just tried being the first film all over again. Be careful what you wish for, right?  Hangover 3 uses a very different formula from the first two and suffered beyond belief as a result.  Its flaws were many with one of the more significant on the laundry list being the film’s walk on the serious side.  People getting shot and killed did not fit the Hangover mold.  It was uncomfortable watching the dramatic sway from what this franchise’s audiences were accustomed to.  The decapitated giraffe, the Zach Galifianakis character carrying the movie and the overabundance of Mr. Chow were just some of the other missteps and atrocities that made this movie the worst film of 2013 for me.


16 Responses to “Gregg’s Top 5 Worst Films of 2013”

  1. Brian White

    LMAO! Normal Man 1. Funny! And now you can still buy Normal Man 1 for the super low Disney price of $29.96 on Blu-ray!

    After how much I hated Olympus Has Fallen not one molecule of myself wanted to even attempt White House Down. Just looked awful. I’ll wait to catch Foxx in Spider-Man Is Down next year.

    So back to your list.

    #5 That one is hit or miss. It takes a certain taste to like the Cornetto trilogy. I admit to not liking Shaun of the Dead until like my third watch. I only watched Hot Fuzz once and was completely bored and ended up falling asleep. I would have to say World’s End was my favorite of the three. I was able to stay in the game for it. Was it an awesome movie? NO! But I hung in there and appreciated it.

    #4 Awful. Awful. Awful. Tat’s all I will say about this one. From the God awful special effects of digital blood to the story, it was an abomination of my intelligence sitting through this. At least the title is right…put a bullet in my head after watching this.

    #3 Agreed! I felt embarrassed for Depp in this. Completely embarrassed for him. This film did not kick in until the third act and by then it was way too late. This could have been something special. At least I was hoping it would be.

    #2 Totally disagree. Did you ever watch the Rodriguez cut to Lady Gaga’s “Aura” song I texted you? Perhaps that would sway you. YES! It was NOT nearly as good as the first one. It’s like they dialed back everything that was offensive about the first one…sadly. However, I still had a blast with this “bad” movie full of super stars and I’m looking forward to owning and revisiting on Blu-ray.

    #1 I will admit this is the worst of the trilogy. But like the second film and heck Man of Steel, you have to give it another chance. Like Brandon Peters says…once you get that first viewing out of the way you can relax and have more fun with it. I did! I’ve seen it three times and I laugh hard. But hey that’s just me.

    Love the lead in graphic, Gregg! Good post!

  2. Brandon Peters

    Okay, haha…I’ve been quoted on the same thing twice now for two movies that i’ve yet to watch twice.

    The general thought is that sometimes there is the first viewing of a movie that provides an unexpected delivery has a polarizing first viewing. Your immediate thought is to not like it mainly because its “different”. However once that first punch is out of the way, on the second viewing you can start to see things a big more clearly, knowing what you’re getting and start to validate it for what it is doing well and for what it actually is instead of what you were expecting or not expecting going in.

    As for your Worst 5…i envy you if that’s the worst 5 movies you saw in 2013.

  3. Gerard Iribe

    I have not seen Machete Kills or Hangover 3. Other than that, I actually enjoyed the rest of your “worst” films. Lone Ranger got a bad wrap and you know if a flick like that can make it on Quentin Tarantino’s top 10 of 2013 list it’s not all that bad.

    The World’s End is on my top list of the year, so seeing that you’re like one of two other people on the planet that hated it, is really surprising.

  4. spence

    I think the review stating that Hot Fuzz was “terrible”, may have me taking the claim of having The World’s End in this list with a grain of salt.

  5. Gregg

    I appreciate everyone’s feedback! Although if Tarantino loves a movie, that doesn’t necessarily mean a whole bunch. I still had an epic battle with boredom watching it. One other notable I considered for this list was The Fifth Estate. Let’s watch two hours of people pulling laptops out of backpacks. The story of Julian Asange is an intriguing one. However, I don’t think it’s one that translates well to film.

  6. Brian White

    Gregg…I am wondering if anyone else saw this 2013 movie Disconnected I saw over the weekend. I thought it was fantastic. I need to know whether I am crazy or not.

    And sorry guys…I have to agree with Gregg here. To each his own. It makes not difference to me whether Tarantino loves The Lone Ranger or not. Maybe he’s being paid to say that. Who knows. LOL.

    Never seen The Fifth Estate and never will now.

  7. Aaron Neuwirth

    I saw Disconnected. Wasn’t a fan, but I was also in the minority on that.

    I agree with the Fifth Estate being pretty bad.

  8. Brian White

    I guess I’m curious then Aaron. What did you not like about Disconnected? Before we rented it we checked WSB and did not see a review. Besides one punch that didn’t land in the film, I thought it was really tight with solid performances and tension abound. That’s why I was just looking to get someone else’s opinion of what I saw.

    Gregg…I say this as your friend. I would LOVE to get your opinion on Lords of Salem. When you are here this weekend and if you want to watch it I would be glad to show it to you.

  9. Aaron Neuwirth

    I wrote a brief review for my own blog, but never a full one for the site. I got what it was going for early on and didn’t find much of it interesting after that. I also really hated the ending. Strong performances though, I give it that.

    Aside from Hangover III, If these are the worst films for Gregg this year, he’s a lucky man.

  10. Brian White

    Oh ok cool, Aaron. Thanks! Yeah…I agree with you. If there was one big weakness for me…would have loved to see a tighter ending pulling together some resolution from the conjoined plots. I stuck around after the credits too 🙂

    I just thought about this one…Die Hard 5 did not make the list Gregg?

  11. Dylan M

    Whatever crack you’re smoking give me some!
    You’re the same guy who said Transformers 2 was a number one contender several years back. YIKES!
    I think some culture is needed for you, boy. Maybe then you’ll appreciate the masterpiece that is The World’s End.

  12. Gregg

    Well that’s a ridiculous comparison. So because I like a sci-fi American film more than a sci-fi British film, that means I lack culture? Sheezus. What a blanket statement. That’s like saying if someone doesn’t like steak they must be a vegetarian.

  13. Dylan M

    No because you like a movie about robots beating themselves senseless with no cohesive plot or story to be found anywhere.
    I guess that’s true because I like steak and I’m not a vegetarian.

  14. Gregg Senko

    Not true. I don’t like steak. Not a vegetarian. Any other all-enveloping ideas you need me to disprove? I’m here to help. Look at my top 10 list from last year. The #2 movie was a damn good French film. Goood thing I’m not cultured.

  15. Aaron Neuwirth

    Dylan should be happy to know that The World’s End will likely appear on 3
    Top 10 Best lists next month.

  16. Mauro

    If you thought four of these five films (I’ll give you Bullet to the head was awful) were the worst of 2013, then there’s either something wrong with yo head boy or you were lucky not to see the really bad ones.